*-. Journal Entry .-*

So I've been going to the shrink. Some people say this word has a negative connotation to it, but nah, it doesnt. Que tan loca tas que llegaste hasta el psicologo? Whats wrong? Howd it go? Bueno, primero que todo, como futura psicologa you gotta work thru your own issues antes de tu go out there and help everyone else. No ta de na tener problemas con x cosa k you dont wanna face, pa k te llegue un paciente con eso mimito y te hagas un etcetera. That and the fact that well, I believe theres always room for improvement. Y un psicologo te ayuda con esas cositas que te has acostumbrado a vivir, pero para que darle la vuelta a la piedra? Vamos a quitarla del camino once and for all. So na me encuentro yo con eta doña. Y digo, ehh como yo voy a habla freely con eta jeva. Y eso que se me hace facil open up. (maybe too easily.. ermm, pue si). So you know me hacen la historia clinica, talk about family and friends and such. It ends up beeing summed up en dos cosas : mis relaciones interpersonales and my self esteem. [...] So i've been lately in one of those funks... entre being just plain sad and then on the brink of a nervous breakdown por to las cosas que tengo k hacer in the next 2 weeks. Todo se ta acumulando... time is going by so fast. Llama al dermatologo, arregla eta cosa que ta lentisima, ayuda a mami con school stuff de mi sis, acuerdate del gym, but dont forget to find out which bank puedes usar en philly... bueno en verda es MIERDA. Todo se resuelve. Pero yo solita me hago un toyo :s [...] For some reason, i dont give myself enough freedom. I dont know if thats the right way to put it. Theres always this little doubt... this very much annoying nagging that goes... WHAT IF... las dudas que me carcomen incesantementeb. Y de alguna manera, la constante contradiccion que i wanna look my best, do my best, be my best... pero i dont allow myself! Because... because... I FEEL LIKE I DONT DESERVE IT... Entonces im terrible at handling piropos. Yes, thank you. And inside of me I know... they're right... but.. what if im not all that? all that smart? all that pretty? all that capable of makin it on my own... It's crazy, completely insane. But wouldnt this world be boring without a bit of insanity?? I cant call it a Ying and a Yang, that would imply there's some sort of balance. Which there's not! Completely smart or completely stupid. Hazlo, brinca, take the chance... which i do! bajo contrOl de impulsos... ejem... or i dont dare! If youre gonna do it, might as well do it right? Go ahead!! Tienes el derecho al motto del army... be all you can be. do you dare? maybe its about time you do.