*-. The Now .-*

I know I'm not alone when I say that, a considerable amount of our energy goes to past moments or things to be. Ahora, I am not saying there is anything wrong with reminiscing in the happy moments we spent in our childhood home, or how much fun we had at our higschool prom; tampoco estoy diciendo that it's wrong to have goals, plan for our future and figure out the steps for what we want to do- on the contrary, i encourage such thoughts. The problem is when we are drowned in replaying over and over (and, furthermore, uselessly) things that have already happened, or when we spend all our time worrying about the mortgage, the phone bill, the noisy neighbors, etc. It can be a constant overflow of worrying, of repeteadly having the exact same things occupy our minds, day and night. A minimal -and note I say minimal- amount of worries and stress allow our survival in the world (god forbid we forget to pay our phone bill and be sin comunicacion alguna), but somewhere in that whirlwind of worries and thoughts, we loose the now. Exactly what the now is might seem obvious, but, is it? When was the last time you payed attention to the now? Noticed how what you are eating tastes, instead of mindleslly watching TV while you eat? Noticed how much you appreciate that your family is there for you? Noticed the sublime peacefulness of the light coming thru the window? It's not necesary to be poetic in order to pay more attention to the Now. A common example is how we spend all week waiting for the weekend, while we spend 65% of our lives in a working weekday. Should we be miserable in expecting that famous "TGIF"? Wouldn't life be that much more enjoyable if we were more present to notice the little things happening all around us? Given, we can't be expected to be present all the time. Sometimes it helps to distract ourselves and get immersed in the lives of TV's fictional characters. But try it. Take a deep breath into the fall air, and pay just a little attention to right now.

*-. excerpts from a letter to you .-*

i havent been doing great lately... all i do is think about eating and watch shows and movies... i have so many things (responsabilities) going on right now... paper do, resume, applying for job permit, applying for job, big dissertation equivalent... and my car was hit and and... its not that these issues are out of ordinary life troubles, i just feel like all im doing is numbing myself so i dont have to deal with anything... [...] i talk to my parents every once in a while but part of me feels that im going at this alone... its very weird to come to my empty apartment every day and i think i just keep trying to make myself forget that.. i dont know whats up with me lately like that. im in a funk where i cant stand to do what i need to do every day... i just wanna crawl into bed all day and go home... im always last minute, im always avoiding reality some how and worrying about food and lack of friends cuz everybodys all over the freakin globe or whatever... but lately its just worse than usual and if i dont get my shit together im gonna loose opportunities over bullshit... [...] i just... you know. its all new and scary and i dont wanna wait anymore to see you and i dont wanna graduate because i dont know whats gonna happen and its silly but some how this silliness is getting ahold of me...