*-. The Past and the Could-Have-Beens .-*

In my neverending self-exploratory quest, I have come to the realization that a big chunk of my time and energy is spent dwelling on the past and the things -and relationships- that could have been. Los amigos perdidos, los errores (y la inevitable culpa que viene con ellos), los momentos en que mi vida could have taken x turn... What is the point of this? Could my energy be not better spent in the present, in appreciating what I have now, in making my life today a better one? This post and y otro que anda por ahi talk a bit about the fact that there's no room for guilt and sometimes i wish that i would practice what I preach more often. Otro detalle is how hard it seems to be to let go of what my life used to be y aceptar que ya no vivo alla, y tengo que concentrarme on what I'm doing here. Claro, keeping in touch with the people I care about is important, especialmente my parents que se estan quejando lately que I only talk "business" with them jeje. Pero ya estoy settled enough with my life here que puedo decir que vivo en Philadelphia, y visito DR. It's been like this for a while pero for some reason I am yet to feel 100% this way. So let's embrace the present. Because the past is done with and the future is uncertain.

*-. Ramblings .-*

Going on in my head with the usual ramblings, complaints and puzzling attitude towards the opposite sex, llega un obvio pero rarely stated fact: i spend too much time con dichas preocupaciones. Hoy, para mi clase de Career Counseling, tenia que llenar uno de esos tests vocacionales. And the whole class got me thinking, God, is this really what I wanna do? Of course it is! It's what I've been wanting to do since I was 12 years old. Pero siento como que me faltan todavía tantas cosas que descubrir de mí misma. I'm still searching and defining... who I am, what I like, what I want... so much to find out, so much to accomplish. Should be more than enough to fill my plate for now. Anyways, on a more fun note, we had to make a list of "daydream jobs". Las cosas que queríamos hacer cuando eramos carajitos, y después ya mas mayorcitos en el colegio. La idea es ver cómo elementos de esos "daydream jobs" han persistido por nuestras vidas. Yo siempre he querido ser escritora. Y actriz. Y en 6to quería ser abogada. It was fun because I ended up writing, directing and staring in a play que era un juicio. I had so much fun I'll never forget that venture! And if you notice, it includes all of the above! Hice teatro en el colegio up until senior year of highschool. Loved that. Y lo de escribir... well, I wouldn't call my blogger ramblings a serious attempt at continuing my writing interests. Maybe a way to not lose practice... not forget? Y ahora aquí estoy, metida de lleno en esto de Psicología. Lo que te das cuenta es que ser un "Psicólogo" en la forma cliché es solo una de las mil cosas que puedes hacer. Counseling, Marriage Family Therapist, working with Severe Mental Illness (la gente que está hospitalizada), Substance Abuse Counselor, doing Research. Que si te sacas el PhD, que si quieres mas lo de Clinical y haces el PsyD, que si con la Maestria puedes hacer lo que quieres... es medio lioso en sí. Al menos estoy segura que I like to help people!